A moment of wallowing then moving on.

It can be laughable
It can be aggrevating
It can be sweet
It can be cute
It can be frustrating
It can be repetative
It can be entertaining
Autism can be a lot of things

but this week it has been overwhelming and saddening.

Here's the saddening part. A couple of days ago I was parked outside of Caitlyn's dance lessons waiting for her to come out. Her teacher, a friend of mine, lives in a cute cul-de-sac where a group of boys were outside playing and riding on their bikes. I was attending to Alison (I got out of the car to do so) and I was also helping Nathan learn how to do a basic maneauver with a cup to clean up spilled lemonade on the top of the lid. As I was teaching Nathan this basic task a little boy rode up on his bike on the opposite side of the car. I will never forget his inquisitive look. He looked sweet and innocent in his inquiry to know what was going on inside. I simply waved to him and he waved back. In that moment I felt the distance, cognitively, between this boy and mine. He looked to be about the same age as Nathan. and it made me sad. I so badly want to have that for him. He needs a friend. I good group of boys that will understand that he is different and love him for it. Play with him and includ him. Hes hard to include. I understand that. I guess I am looking for a Christ-like, heaven sent child to take him under his wing and help him be a part of things. Everyone is so nice to him. All the kids at church treat him with kindness. I am very grateful that we havent been confronted with unkindness yet. I fear for that day. I dread that day. I feel like it is unevitable. I would love for him to have someone there to defend him. Parents can only do so much. Then it just becomes uncool. :)
Here's the overwhelming part. Chad and I visited a doctor yesterday, and after a huge batch of blood work done on Nathan we have been advised to go on a gluten-free, casein-free(anything dairy), soy-free diet, corn-free, rice-free, potato - free diet. That doesnt even include the other 40 foods that we need to avoid to due to allergies. No joke. That is not overexaggerated. Basically, think of the Atkins diet - to an extreme and then erase another 35 foods. At first glance it may seem easy, doable tomorrow. It is not easy. I have tried gluten free with Nathan before. It didnt yield earth- changing results. Im sure it is because I didnt remove all of the other things, but it was HARD. What this means is NO eating out, no fruit snacks, no cheese - thats a staple in his diet, and everything has to be purchased organically, and with evrything needing to be "free" of things just say "Ca-ching". I know, I know, take it one step at a time. Tackle one then move to the next. That totally makes sense and I've said it to myself at least a dozen times. Its just a lot, and its one more way to make him different from all the other kids.
It seems like I have been writing a lot lately about the woes of Autism. Its probably because we are going through changes in our household. I dont do well with change. I feel secure in a routine and with systems. Blame it on childhood issues. Comfort, as of late, has not been my friend. I have not been able to find it. Or maybe I havent wanted to accept it. Thats more likely. Chad has been awesome. He has found the positive and that is admirable. I have wanted to wallow in the face of this change. I think everyone deserves an amount of time to wallow, but I fear that mine is coming to the point of annoying. I will need to abandon it soon. Decide on a plan and go... with a good attitude.

Sorry about the venting today but it feels good to get it out.